first impressions of therapy

A month or so ago, I went in for my first therapy session. It was something I'd wanted to try for a while, but hadn't gotten around to it until recently.

While it can have negative connotations, I believe it's something that you should consider when you're feeling down, or just need someone to talk to.

Find out who + how
Therapy can be expensive. There are a couple of online alternatives, like 7 Cups, but I prefer talking and face to face interaction more. It's a personal preference though.

I started out asking my insurance company for a list of pre-approved therapists. I'm not completely sure on how the process may be different for other companies, but it wasn't too much of a hassle - of course I procrastinated until the morning of my appointment to do it.

What it was like
As I've only been to one therapist, I can't make any generalizations, but my experience was similar to what you'd see in a movie. I went into a calming, quiet room, where I waited by myself for a couple of minutes. Then my therapist came in and introduced herself, and we went into the "therapy room".

It too, was calming and quiet, with artwork and lots of books and games. My therapist started out with a brief description of what psychotherapy was (I gather that it's a lot about feelings? And how to deal with them?), and then some questions about what was bothering me.

I went in a bit of circular path, but my real issue was my lack of "real" friends. It's been something that's bothered me for quite a bit, and it really hit hard last year, but since then it's petered out. However, it was still beneficial for me to go in and talk to someone who was there to help me sort my way through it.

There was quite a lot of "And how does that make you feel?"s, and also pauses, which encouraged me to talk more. I was never interrupted, which does help encourage opening up more.

What I didn't know beforehand
You really do need to have something to work on, or be feeling negative. Therapists help you work through that, and without a "stumbling block", there isn't too much they can do for you.

They also don't tell you what to do. Instead, they ask you questions and help guide you to understanding yourself more and how to fix your problems (sounds like a bunch of spiritual mumbo-jumbo, but it's accurate).

I'd also strongly suggest scheduling your first appointment at the end of the day, because you don't know how you'll feel afterwards. I went in expecting to come out fine, but I cried and looked puffy, and would not have wanted to go back to school afterwards.

Wrapping up
I don't go to therapy frequently, mainly because my insurance only covers a set amount of visits per year, but also because I feel like writing on the blog is a form of therapy for me, and I can work out many of the kinks myself.

However, I enjoyed having someone to talk to, and it made me feel much lighter afterwards.

Of course, if therapy isn't your thing, I'm always here for you as well! <3

Have you ever tried therapy? How do you cheer yourself up when you're down? What's the nicest thing someone's ever done for you or vice versa?

xx

Angelina

p.s. next week I'll be writing about Egypt (last week was Istanbul!)

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spring break: istanbul, turkey

Hello again! I've been out for a couple weeks, traveling, and it's been good to take a break from the daily grind.

I traveled to Istanbul, Cairo, Athens, Santorini, and Mykonos - of course I'll be writing about all of them (see last summer's travels).

Thoughts + impressions

• So many animals on the streets! The city has a program that vaccinates the cats and dogs, and they're all quite friendly as well. When we took an early morning walk, a couple of dogs followed us around after we pet them. 
• It can be a bit tiring to navigate shops, as the sellers will call out to you repeatedly. In my case, they also tried to guess where I was from "originally".
• The call to prayers are so exotic and interesting to hear, especially being from the US. I think the associations with the hijab and niqab are frequently negative, but I found people to be friendly and interesting to talk to.
• The streets and public places were all clean and well maintained - I saw people maintaining it everyday around 5am!
• Although Istanbul isn't near the border, there were some Syrian refugees who would ask for money, especially children. 

Where to go + what to do

• The Sultanahmet district is quite nice, and you can visit the Aya Sofya/Hagia Sophia, Basilica Cistern, Hippodrome, and Blue Mosque (Sultan Ahmet Mosque) easily. Within walking distance is also the Grand Bazaar.
• A Turkish bath is a unique experience! Especially after a long day of walking around, it's very relaxing. We went to Cagaloglu Hamam, also within walking distance. There are different options and price points, but it's basically a scrub and sauna. 
• Lots of eating - there are so many vendors in the Grand Bazaar that have delicious kebabs. Ask the locals where they go for better prices. 
• Turkish tea, Turkish delight, and baklava are everywhere as well! We went to Hafiz Mustafa, but there were many shops in all neighbourhoods. 
• While we skipped Topkapi Palace, we did visit the Archeological Museum, which is in the same square. They have a large selection of art, with great descriptions so you can actually understand what you're seeing as well!
• We did go to Dolmabahce Palace, which was well maintained - you can only visit with a tour, must wear shoe covers, and can't take photos. While a little restrictive, it pays off with the incredible works they have on display as they were in the past.

Blue Mosque early in the morning.

The view from the room, and in the upper level of the Hagia Sophia.

Stray cats and dogs everywhere!

Color: taking advantage of jet lag, and Dolmabace.

I hope everyone's had a great month so far - I'm excited for summer! I've been experiencing new things, and doing lots of shoots, so I'm excited to share it all. 

Have you been to Istanbul or Turkey before? What's your favorite kind of food? Do you take lots of photos when traveling?

Good to be back!

xx

Angelina

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what's in a name?

That which we call a rose/By any other name would smell as sweet.

For a long time, I had trouble really taking this to heart.

My name was the first thing people noticed about me, the strangeness, how foreign it sounded. They couldn't figure out my gender based solely on it, and when teachers would take roll, frequently they'd call me by my last name.

It made me uncomfortable, to say the least. In middle school, I handed out little slips on the first day of school, saying, "Hello, my legal name is Zhiyi, but I go by Angelina. Thanks!"

I followed these with additional slips the next class, as a reminder: "In case you forgot, Zhiyi goes by Angelina". I was very thorough in making sure my classmates would never find out my Chinese name, because they would undoubtedly ask me about it.

I slipped up, and "Zucchini" became a popular nickname that year.

Wearing: J Crew striped silk tee (similar), Lush envelope soft pant (similar), Sam Edelman Felicia flats

Most people curiously ask how to pronounce it, and I simply tell them, "It's Angelina". I had this one teacher who would not let it go however, and interrogated me in front of the class. I was absolutely mortified, and I just wanted to sink into a puddle where no one would notice me.

It isn't that I'm ashamed of my heritage. It's just rare that anyone is able to pronounce it correctly, including other Asian people.

I was afraid, and sometimes still am, that what's on the surface will be the only thing people notice about me. I feel as though it will create a divide between myself and my peers, and emphasize the differences. Differences and diversity, of course, is a good thing, but it can also scare some people.

I'm someone who can't survive without friends, but simultaneously, it can be hard for me to initiate things.

Photography by Serina

It's all part of an ongoing struggle on my identity. I'm not a Chinese person from China, nor an American who grew up here. I'm Chinese-American. And I'm still figuring out what that means to me.

Do you have an "unusual" name? Have you ever felt like an outsider because of your heritage? How do you feel about your ethnicity?

xx

Angelina

In response to "Woes of Having an Unusual Name" by Noor Unnahar.

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p.s. - I'm currently traveling for spring break, and will be back in mid April. See you then! (:

marching ahead

Hello! Long time no see. I've been having a great time out, and things are moving so quickly, I haven't had time to just sit down and write. Marching ahead, get it (it was too good to pass up)?

It's a novel experience for me as someone who likes to work with a schedule that's not too hectic, as being around people for too long can make me tired. But I've been loving it lately!

Being an extra for a film
This is something I've wanted to do for ages, and I'm so glad I got to cross it off the bucket list! I actually considered bailing, as it was for quite a long time, and I wasn't sure I could handle it. But I knew I would regret not taking the chance, and I'd always wonder "what if".

It was both very fast paced and very slow. The extras waited around for the majority of the time, until they wanted us for a scene. Then we were told to hold red Solo cups and pretend to talk very animatedly, but quietly. I caught a couple glimpses of the footage, but I can't wait to see the whole thing!

Snupped gel phone case, Cuyana mini saddle bag, J.Crew italian matte convertible bikini in hilltop olive (hurry, on sale!)

Designing my own phone case
I'm quite picky with what cases I get. Along with your laptop, your phone says a lot about you, and many people see it throughout the course of a day (if you're like me and constantly on your phone anyways). I was ecstatic when the people at Snupped* reached out to me, and obviously I included a quote about fashion.

Overall, the quality is good. It's made of silicon, but it feels more durable and is soft to the touch. I specifically made it in Rose Quartz (keeping up with the times?), but I'm a bit bummed that the edges have already stained from my jeans over the past month.


Taking new photos
I've been into photography for ages, but I've never been able to strong arm any guy friends into modeling for me. I finally convinced one, and I'm in love with how these photos turned out. I now have 100+ photos of him on my camera roll to post to Instagram..

You can see more of my work here as well!

Abercrombie & Fitch embroidered tank (similar), Lucca Couture floral zip dress (similar)

Spring has sprung
The weather is also much warmer in California now, it's in the high 60s and low 70s. Time to switch out the sweaters for lighter layers (which I'm still trying to get rid of, if anyone needs new clothes ;))! While I love not having to shave or worry about sweat stains, I was also running out of cute ways to stay warm. A sneak peek of some clothes I've yet to debut on the blog!

How have you been in the past 2 weeks? What's on your bucket list? How's the weather where you are?

xx

Angelina

quality or quantity?

Is it quantity or quality that matters more? It should be a straightforward question, with a generally accepted answer of "quality", but I don't believe it's so black and white.

Rooted in art
While I've been drawing and painting since I was younger, my progress has arguably been slower than many of my peers. Not that it's a competition, as art in and of itself is very subjective, but for most of my artistic endeavors, I would be considered a painter, or a drawer, rather than an artist.

I wanted to be able to depict reality as I saw it. The shades of the apples must be exactly so, the figure's hands should be as they seem, the bark on the trees is too uniform. I focused solely on the techniques, and creating grand masterpieces every time I pulled out my pencil. If it didn't work out with a few strokes, I abandoned it.

Wearing: Sanctuary Co leather jacket (similar), Lush white peasant top (similar), Bullhead high rise skinniest jeans, Sam Edelman Felicia black flats, Kimchi Blue allover lace scalloped bralette

Do it for the process
When others had already progressed from rudimentary portraits with barely shaded eyes and piano teeth, I was still refining that one eyelash. I went for quality over quantity, but it didn't help me improve. I stayed where I was, and my fear of creating something "low quality" kept me from trying new styles or seeing things differently.

Over time, I used my sketchbook as a tool instead, and stopped seeing things as "failures" if they didn't work out. I did it for the process, rather than the outcome.

How I've changed
In life, doing it for the process is a mindset that's vastly improved my mood and outlook. I value the process more so than the outcome, especially if things don't go according to plan. Memories of ended relationships are kept close for how they made me feel and what I learned from them, botched projects for what to work on in the future, "wasted" hours for taking a break or letting the line slacken for once.

Maybe quality and quantity both play an equal part in things. Quality should trump quantity, but without the latter, the former is difficult to obtain.

What do you think? Is there anything you'd consider black and white? Where did you go "wrong" that ended up being better in the end?

xx
Angelina

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photography by Serina

valentine's day: match your outfit to your lips

My favorite thing about Valentine's Day is the colors. And the chocolate (who could forget the chocolate?) 

Some lipsticks inspired by the pinks and reds of V-Day, plus outfit inspiration. All from e.l.f - they were having a sale, and I was easily roped in. 

Natural

Wear with: flowy, fairytale dresses and anything feminine. Top it off with a no-fuss hairstyle, and basic sandals. 

Praline

Wear with: monochrome neutrals and sleek hair. Finish with sneakers and a simple bag. 

Pink Minx

Wear with: neutrals, but with a twist. Mix modern and vintage, and pile on the accessories. 

Red Carpet

Wear with: more monochrome. But white this time! Change it up with textures and embellishments. Challenge yourself to avoid lipstick smudges when changing.

Rich Red

Wear with: your classic French wardrobe. Buy and eat lots of baguettes and macarons. 

Regular fashion and pretentious writing resuming next week ((:

Which is your favorite outfit? What's your favorite lipstick (recommendations sorely needed)? What are your Valentine's Day plans?

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amplified existence - "big magic" book review

When a book comes out with an aesthetically pleasing cover, you get it, if not just for blog props. When said book is about creativity, and is written by Elizabeth Gilbert, it's an even better reason to get it!

While I definitely judged Big Magic by its cover, I was not disappointed in the least.

An overview
Gilbert separates the aspects of creativity into 7 parts: Courage, Enchantment, Permission, Persistence, Trust, and Divinity. Within each part, there are mini "chapters", a few pages long at most. She includes personal anecdotes, as well as stories of other creatives.

The way it was written is startlingly readable and fresh. It does technically fall into the category of "self help", but it had none of the sappy, easy to predict advice I'd expected. But I mean, we are talking about the woman who wrote Eat Pray Love...

"Hey Liz..."
It feels as though she is actually sitting there, talking you through how to be more creative - something we've all tried to do at some point. And it's not from her high up stoop as a successful and published writer, it's from the passenger seat. It's the kind of book that gives you tingles in your toes, and itches in your fingers, the kind of book that makes you get in your car and drive to new places.

I actually developed my own routine with this book; it became my constant companion while I was wandering through its creamy, white pages. I'd plunk the book on my desk, and ravenously devour a couple of chapters. Then I'd pause, make my way downstairs for a cup of tea, letting Gilbert's ideas really sink in.

Inspiration is fickle
Her ideas are like nothing I've ever heard before about creativity. For her, inspiration is a live being, a spirit who travels through the universe, like a nature spirit or nymph. It'll come to you if it senses openness and a willingness to try new things, but it won't wait around forever. Sometimes it'll come and drop an idea in your head, but the idea just won't be compatible with you. This idea might wait around, or it could pack its bags and head over to someone else.

After a few chapters, I'd sit and let inspiration come to me. Surprisingly, it was quite willing. I'd had a previous habit of denying its ideas quickly, judging them on the spot, and over time, inspiration would only peek out from around a corner. But after Big Magic, I welcomed whatever idea it was willing to throw to me, and I went with it.

Wearing: Topshop cropped sweater (similar), Lush envelope soft pant (similar), BP. teardrop necklace (similar), VANS white slip on

It was a novel experience, having ideas flow quickly and endlessly. I didn't question anything, I just took pleasure in the simple act of putting pencil to paper, and used that as my validation, rather than how "good" my art turned out. And it ended up turning out better than anything I'd created before.

A day in the city
I rarely venture up to the city, but when I do, it's a day of adventure and new sights. This was my first time at Baker Beach; I can see why it's such a popular tourist site. One of my favorite parts about San Francisco, and cities in general, is the wide range of people there. There is so much creativity and innovation, it's bound to rub off right?


The takeaway
Elizabeth Gilbert is wise. I love what I've been able to do since, just keeping these ideas in the back of my head (inspiration is always at the front of the table as thanks):

*Don't turn inspiration away, even if you don't like what it's telling you
*Take pleasure in creating art, not just the art itself
*Some ideas may not be right for you; thank them and let them go
*Don't be a "starving artist", love your art and it will love you
*Treat you art like an affair - you can definitely make time for it everyday
*Fear is healthy, to a certain extent

Without a doubt, this is a book well worth your time. And really, it's not just because of the pretty cover.

Have you read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert? What's your take on living creatively? Where do you get inspiration from?

xx
Angelina

p.s. I've got more book reviews! Books by strong women or art/photography/fashion books.
p.p.s. here's a more creative piece I wrote and really liked. it's on idealization, and how I feel about it. let me know what you think of it!

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photography by Serina