by the ideal that we live

Smoothed wrinkles, age dialed back, features perfected. Idealization is rooted in art, especially in Classical Greco-Roman. Like the marble busts and dynamic statues, idealization too, has withstood the test of time. 

It lives in me. I walk the line between idealizing those I admire, and simply admiring them. Sometimes admiration turns into something darker.

I slip through phases, changing my mind about who to become as I meet new people personally, online, or the alternate universe of literature. I fill in the gaps of what I don't know, painting a shimmery, pastel coat over it all. 

But what's underneath eludes me. Those people aren't me. I've only earned a look at their pristine cover, perhaps a peek at the first few pages. Rarely deeper, where the plot starts to twist and turn, and their monsters come out of the shadows. I simply see their exterior they choose to present, or even the exterior the author has chosen to create. 

Wearing: Kimchi Blue Bella gray sweater (similar), Sammydress retro style high waisted skirt*, MICHAEL Michael Kors black kitten heel pump

In the moment, it's difficult to remember. I'm naturally competitive, and admiration and awe can quickly turn into jealousy if I don't control it and keep myself in check. Does she have better clothes than me? Why doesn't he struggle as much as I do in this class? How does she have such clear skin?

And I'm pulled in so many diverging directions, influenced by the myriad of people who seem to have more than I do. 

Wearing: Zara Kids suede cowboy boot (similar)

I'll want to be a free spirit, who is capable of quick forgiveness, who doesn't hold a grudge, and knows who she is. I'll want to feel secure in who I am, in what I look like, while simultaneously appreciating others as well. I'll want to trust that the universe has a plan for me, that the weight of my future isn't resting on my decisions today. 

Then logic and reality set in. And I'll want to climb, even claw if necessary, my way to the top. I'll want people to respect what I have to say, to know I mean business in what I do. I'll want to be remembered, to be the one at that party who needs no introduction, the one who elicits the sought after "I know who you are". 

Is it even possible to have so many characteristics crammed into a tiny, 5'3" frame? Or will I implode from the sheer force of the distinctive traits, tumbling around inside me?

A knock to the head, and I'll remember that these are just stereotypes, like the old Manic Pixie Dream Girl. These aspects I've pulled from those I admire are single facets of a large, complex system. Only in my mind have I constructed these intimidating, idealized versions. 

I imagine a city of glistening, crystal skyscrapers, when in actuality, there lies a colorful, welcoming village.

Do you tend to idealize people as well? What are the positives of idealization? Constructive criticism?

xx
Angelina

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p.s. I have a giveaway for sunglasses going on here! enter before feb 1.
p.p.s. if you're feeling up to it, I'd love to get your thoughts on the blog with a reader survey. thanks so much!

giveaway! angelina is x polette

Have you been collecting some good karma? Now's the time to use it!

I'm finally hosting a giveaway! It seems as almost a "rite of passage" for being a blogger, along with first "free" product or brand collaboration. Nonetheless, exciting things are coming up, like my partnership with Polette.

 In California, sunglasses are more or less a must. I'm quite picky with what I wear, though you'd never guess by my overflowing closet. When Polette, an eyeglasses and sunglasses leader on the French market, reached out to me for a collaboration, I was pretty ecstatic about adding another pair of sunglasses to my collection.

Polette has brought a revolution on the optical world with their affordable prices ranging from $9.99 to $89.99. You could get a new pair of glasses for anywhere between 2 to 20 Jamba Juices!

Founded by a self made man, they're an online optician with no middle-men, keeping costs low for people like me who want to fund more shopping trips stretch their dollars.

Please read this next paragraph in your best telemarketer voice:

But wait! There's more. E-Polette offers eyeglasses to protect eyes from the light emitted by your laptop and phone screens. So you can wear those hipster glasses and fend off actually vision impaired people who snicker at you, because yes, your glasses have a purpose. They're customizable too!

Polette. Where fashion meets affordable (no that's not their slogan, theirs is definitely much better).

I picked out Elegance (*), because it captures my spirit very well (no sarcasm here). I was looking for a pair of oversized, movie star sunglasses that would be able to hold up in my bag, and matched with nearly everything. They're a decent weight and tinted well enough for me to be able to stare at whoever I want.

My sunglasses arrived in a white cardboard box, in about 2 weeks. Because they don't ship from within the US, I had to pick them up at the post office, which was a bit confusing and inconvenient. But I had some extra time waiting in line to play 2048, so who's complaining.

Check out Polette's Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Here, I put a banner so you could quickly scroll to the giveaway. No worries, it's what I'd be here for too.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The fine print: Open internationally. Ends Feb 1, 2016. Winner will be contacted via email and given 2 days to respond. Another winner will be drawn after 2 days, continuing 4 times. 

Crossing my fingers for you to win! (:

Do you collect karma? Where are your favorite sunglasses from? Has El Nino been messing up your weather as well?

xx

Angelina

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5 min read: conversations in the dark

A sketch of recurring dream I have, in which the fear I wake up with is what stays with me.  A late night conversation with friends. 

    What do I fear most of all?

A conversation starter thrown out in the dark, almost carelessly, but in a thoughtful way that somehow still bears weight.

In the dark, with blurry shadows accenting the bumps and hollows of our faces, we stop to consider this question seriously. There’s something comforting about opening up in the dark that can never be recreated when it’s light out. Maybe it’s that with the muted cool hues all blending together, there’s a sense of protection.

We are safe from scary things that go bump in the night, toddler’s fears of a monster that lurks beneath the bed, feasting on toes.

What we aren’t safe from, though, is the real world. Toes aren’t simply nibbled off, they’re chomped off, with brutality and complete disregard for the being to which said digits are attached to.

I fear the real world, with the very real monsters, and even realer humans. I fear not becoming anything, not doing anything with my life. I fear lost opportunities, chances I didn’t think to glance twice at.

Though on some days, I admit the fear of serial killers lurking behind my shower curtain is more immediate and pressing than this vague fear of the future.

How'd I do?
With the feedback from my last post, I decided to attempt a less wordy, and more abstract piece. I'm thinking of easing these sorts of things into my routine, though I'm on the fence on just how writing based I'd like them to be.

They'll likely be those types of "typical" blogger posts; style lists, routines, etc, but hoepfully a bit more interesting.

What did you think of this post (constructive criticism very much appreciated!)? What do you fear? Are posts like this better for the beginning of the week, or the end?

xx

Angelina

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2016: looking back and ahead

The first few days of a new year are always a bit disorientating for me.

On one hand, I want to savor the past, look back on what I learned - hindsight is always 20/20. On the other, I want to look forward, become the person I've always wanted to be, make this year the one I finally achieve my goals.

So here's a little bit of both.

Since we've all surely been inundated with "best of" and roundup posts, I'll keep this short and sweet.

What I'm proud of:
1. Finally starting my blog! It was an idea that I kicked around a bit, and I'm glad I did it. It gave me purpose when I was feeling down, and I've learned so much, just sitting at my computer and clicking away, both about myself and how things work in other places.

2. Getting better at some resolutions I made a couple of years back. Being more fit is a common resolution for many, and I'm starting to make good on that - better late than never. I'm also sketching more, and not being as harsh on my appearance as I used to be.

3. Holding myself accountable financially, and generating more of an income through photography. I've always loved shopping, which creates a sizable dent in my wallet, but this year, 40% of what I spent was directly from the money I've made selling my clothes.

Wearing: Cooperative red toggle coat (similar), Zara checkered top (similar), Gap Petite black 1969 legging jean, Sam Edelman Felicia black flats

Improvements to be made:
1. Being more vocal and honest about my thoughts. Both in the class and in my day-to-day relationships, my inner monologue is far greater and richer than what I'll actually say out loud. This has contributed to my being seen as a quiet, Asian girl, which I've tried to rebel against with my hair and becoming more outspoken, but I think there's still a while to go.

2. Being more understanding and empathetic of others. I tend to rush to conclusions, and I don't think about what others are going through as often as I should. I hesitate to be labelled as "nice", because I'm afraid of what that will mean in terms of how others treat me, but I'm trying to find a balance.

3. Living in the now. At each phase in life, there's something unique and special to be experienced. I don't want to rush through the phase I'm at now, just because the next one has promises of a grown-up flat in the city or a cushy job. Not that those are guaranteed anyways!

Things I'm mulling over for the blog:
1. Bringing in other voices. Since April, this blog has been my own space, my personal soap box. But it's more difficult for me to think of what to write about, and I'm hoping to start some collaborations, interviews, and guest posts. Shoot me an email if you're interested!

2. Shorter posts. I tend to write a lot, even when I consciously remind myself not too. So I'm thinking of bringing in a shorter post at the start of the week, and a longer, typical one towards Thursday or Friday.

3. How much personal information I want to share. With connecting online, there's a fine line between wanting to be authentic and real, and needing to be safe. I've only felt comfortable sharing my first name and last initial, my face, and my general location. But I've been thinking about age, and whether that really matters - most people don't assume correctly, and I'm fine with that, but is it a vital part of myself?

I hope everyone's new year has been lovely! What things do you have in store for your blog or life? What do you think about the changes I'm thinking of bringing in?

xx

Angelina

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a look inside my closet + blog sale

I'm on break! Finally! Not that finals were that bad with the minimal amount of studying I did, but it's still nice to be able to sleep into till whenever. I took advantage of my free time to sort out some of my old clothes that I've wanted to sell and take pictures of them as well.

As I pulled out each article of clothing, I got a bit nostalgic. At one point, I loved all these clothes dearly, and through selling them, I hope someone else will love them as much.

shoes worn throughout: sam edelman gigi sandle in saddle, vans white slip ons, steve madden elusionl leopard d'orsay flats

abercrombie sparkly striped cropped sweater

All paths start at Abercrombie
My earliest love was Abercrombie. Of course it was! I cringe at how much I spent there, and the over priced sweatshirts and hoodies I've collected over the years. Now, I still shop at Abercrombie, but only the sale section.

They've come a long way since their earlier years, no longer carrying garish colors and logos across the chest, and instead stocked with minimalist and boho pieces, with the occasional ode to the earlier years with some colorful graphics.

pink bow crop top, truly madly deeply sunflower crop top

hollister navy highwaisted sailor shorts, house of harlow embellished muscle tank, black highwaisted lace shorts

How many likes can I get?

Then I became a fan of tumblr and Pinterest style - this was before Brandy Melville. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't know, but the vibe is strong once you've seen it. Each outfit was carefully curated, and while none of it is as bad as my graphic tee/teen retailer stage, it's no longer me.

Some of it was bows and pink, as well as some more edgy outfits. I still really like some of these comfy summer tops, but they're just hard to pair with other things. I end up only wearing them with the same pair of shorts, a few times over a season.

cream lace skater skirt, steve madden blue cell phone cross body purse, cream lace skirt

No, those aren't the same skirt
Up until this point, I was pretty opposed to skirts. I just didn't like how they restricted me, how I had to watch how I was sitting, and be limited to walking, maybe lightly jogging if it wasn't windy. Then I figured out how much comfier it was to have non restrictive fabric, and I fully embraced skirts.

White lace ones were my favorite, up until I discovered black skater skirts, and marveled at how they'd match with anything!

nollie neon pink cross crop top, bethany mota for aeropostale floral neoprene skirt

Rose gold's younger cousin
When a friend remarked on how I mostly wore "boring" clothes, I tried the bright and bold route for a while. Though I liked how empowered it made me feel, it was again difficult to match with, and I worried about attracting too much negative attention as well.

I've reserved my brights for jewel tones, so it's a little more mature, and I wouldn't feel as odd bumping into a teacher or friends' parents. Although I'm still kind of in love with my neoprene skater skirt.

brandy melville tan sweater, abercrombie patterned lace shorts, hollister flowy boho pants

No longer hiding behind the door when the mailman comes
Sometime within this era, I discovered loungewear that wasn't my ratty Target pjs or ill-fitting, but comfy sweats. Not that I've thrown either of those out. But on days when I'm in between wanting to look polished but not wanting to try, or going out for a few errands, I pull out these looks.

Along with boyfriend jeans, I've discovered a whole slew of bottoms that are cute and comfy at the same time! Who knew? Now I can eat as much as I want.

free people sheer lace top, chelsea 28 magenta silk cropped top

Why my closet is overflowing
I have no idea what to describe my style as now. When people I ask, I dole out a handful of adjectives: feminine, minimal, boho, glam, casual. It's a melting pot of styles, depending on the day. I swing between polished and messy, feminine and androgynous, glitzy and earthy.

It's one of the reasons I always have clothes I'm getting tired of, though maybe one day I'll manage to truly cull my closet. For now, the neat bags of clothes past is comfortably wedged in the depths of my closet.

Please fund my shopping (;
Almost all clothes worn in this post are for sale - hah see what I did there, now you've got to buy them. You can find them on my Vinted, as well as some more goodies, though I've also linked beneath each photos. If you message me and let me know you're from the blog, I'd love to give a discount!

If you're a little tight on cash, I take PayPal as well, since prices are higher on Vinted due to the commission fee. Or if you're outside of the US, and see something you really like, send me an email as well (angeeleena34@gmail.com)!

I hope I'll get to share some of my past loves with you all.

What was your favorite outfit (see more of them here)? How has your style evolved through the years? Do you sell your clothes? Holiday plans?

xx

Angelina

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p.s. Happy holidays! We're going the uncoventional route and celebrating Christmas through a family dinner, no tree or presents. Excuse the lack of festivities on the blog!

i'm basically wearing a fancy blanket + book review

While I'm unsure of exactly what field I want to work in yet, I'm sure it'll be related to the arts or fashion. Both are difficult fields, and I've been reading books by women I admire to get a feel of how they reached their goals.

Along the way, I dress for success with my fancy scarf, aka a blanket (and not just because I forgot to take photos of the books before returning to the library).

Introducing Sophia Amoruso, Diane von Furstenburg, Mindy Kaling, and Kate Betts:

#GIRLBOSS by Sophia Amoruso
This book blew me away, and it's one of those that leaves you feeling like you should go out and do something big! While Nasty Gal isn't one of my typical brands, it's undeniable it's risen in the ranks of mass retailers, and has quickly become a well known fashion house.

Amoruso seized opportunities along the way - she credits her success to a hernia. You'll have to read it to find the connection.

My Takeaway: Be aware of new platforms, be thrifty, be authentic and real.
Style: Autobiography, with a strong emphasis on how to become your own GirlBoss, and achieve your dreams.

Wearing: Forever 21 camel shawl, Hollister collared top, American Eagle jeggings, Sam Edelman Petty suede booties.

The Woman I Wanted To Be by Diane von Furstenburg
A beautifully written memoir. It reveals details about von Furstenburg's life that I hadn't known before; her mother, who was a Holocaust survivor, her own wild boarding school experiences, and the loves of her life. In contrast to #GIRLBOSS, this reads more like fiction, though it includes many historical tidbits, such as the rise of the first supermodels.

I found von Furstenburg's story to be reminiscent of a Gossip Girl storyline - full of drama, expensive things, and lots of attractive men. She actually married a prince, so it may not be a stretch to call her a real life Blair Waldorf.

My Takeaway: I didn't feel like I got too much out of it career wise, but it was fascinating to read, nonetheless.
Style: Autobiography, almost fictitious.

Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling
How can one not love Mindy Kaling? Out of all the women above, I can relate to her the most, and her voice is more humorous. More than once, her stories made me laugh out loud, and garnered strange looks from those nearby - especially when there is hot pink text that proclaims "I have the Angelina Jolie of vaginas".

There are few women in general in media or entertainment, much less women of color, and Kaling has a TV show with her name! Along with Constance Wu, she's one of my favorites.

My Takeaway: Work hard and don't settle.
Style: A collection of stories and thoughts, reads almost like a blog.



My Paris Dream by Kate Betts
I have a bit of an obsession with Paris and the stereotypical French woman (I'm not sure if any of it is true for the general population). I love the natural makeup, the food, and of course, the fashion! As I've always dreamed of living abroad for some time in France, Kate Betts' story about her own time there was eyeopening and engaging to read.

Betts describes her first few moments in Paris, her journey up the corporate ladder, and the people she encounters in a relatable and thoughtful way. I felt like I was watching a movie similar to Boyhood. 

My Takeaway: Life doesn't always take you where you think it will. Don't be afraid to make hard choices.
Style: Autobiography, with a cinematic feel. Not lacking in the sensory descriptions.


A Rude Awakening
This comes as I had recently had an experience with a female CEO whom I highly admired. Listening to her speeches and interactions with others, she seemed like someone who was a great mentor and willing to not only open doors for others, but to pull them through. However, when I talked to her, that was not the case.

While I'm not taking it personally, it's a stark contrast between what I hope to be like should I ever reach a position in which I can help others, especially women. What's the point of being at the top if you can't help others at the bottom?

Kudos to me for not naming this post "Bop to the Top".

What are some good books you've read lately? Who do you admire? What do you think makes a good leader?

xx

Angelina

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p.s. my last book review post is here!

5 things I don't regret doing

First off, the elephant in the room, a new hair color! I've been talking about it on the blog for ages, and yesterday I added a photo on Instagram. In keeping with the theme of "things my kids will use as excuses to get away with things bc of my 'rebellious childhood'", 5 things I don't regret doing (other than dying my hair).

Starting a blog

When I was younger, I had a blog, but it is so embarrassing I can't even link to it. Surprisingly, it still gets page views today, if you Google a ridiculous question, it's the 3rd result on the first page. 

My blog now is a lot more professional, but I hope I've maintained a bit of the spontaneity and honesty I had in my younger self. I've always wanted my blog to be a place for me to share my thoughts and address issues I never saw traditional style bloggers talking about. Plus, I've met so many amazing people!

see: an eyeopening experience // it's all Greek to me

Sharing my feelings

Whether it be romantic or otherwise, I've always felt better after telling the other party how I felt. It was just about the hardest thing I'd done the first time, but it gets easier with practice, and I don't feel as though it's a huge deal now. 

With that being said, sometimes I still struggle with not making rash decisions and pushing people to see from my point of view. Every time I got into an argument with my dad, he liked to say, "And that's why you should be a lawyer, you like arguing."

see: don't be a prick

Wearing: Zara white top (similar), Nordstrom necklace (similar).

Selling my old clothes

I love fashion and clothes. Getting dressed is never a chore for me, and my motto is to always dress like I'm going to meet my ex. Murphy's Law right?

My constant shopping habits means that my closet is overflowing the majority of the time, and in order to create funds for more clothes academics and food, I sell my old ones (psst: shop my closet here!). Sometimes I still hang on to things for silly or sentimental reasons, but I've started getting a lot better at that. Money speaks right?

see: where to get cheap clothes // custom clothing on a budget // everything you need to know about fashion week // how to take proper care of your clothes

Going to a new school

A few years ago, I was absolutely terrified at the idea of going to a school where I didn't know anyone, and where the majority of my classmates would have known each other for ages. I'm really glad I did though, as this gave me an opportunity to reinvent myself (somewhat) and meet new people. 

I've become much more confident and outgoing, and I don't limit myself to a certain group anymore. It's refreshing, and I like not having to worry about doing everything as one unit. 

see: back to school dark boho // what it's like to be an introvert

Responding to ads on Craiglist

Interacting with strangers in general is scary, especially when the first contact is through the Internet. Predators are a real thing, as I've interacted with a few of them without even knowing, so it's always good to stay on guard at first. Sometimes it doesn't even hit me that anything I put out there could be read by anyone; my family, classmates, or even teachers. 

Over time, I've gotten better with finding ways to protect my identity, and I've been able to take advantage of great opportunities - focus groups, my photography business, and various side gigs. Once I made $100 for 30 mins of talking about fashion and my shopping habits. 

see: how to meet up with people online // my photography journey // my first time modeling

What are some things you don't regret doing? What are things you do regret? How has your December been so far?

xx

Angelina

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